Been to the doctor today. Don't know if he picked up on my anxiety or if he is just as concerned as I am, but he didn't bother with congratulations this time around. He's ordered blood tests to check my HCG levels, and he's hoping to have them back on Saturday in time for my next appointment. He also wants a scan done in two weeks. You'd think I'd be looking forward to the scan as a way to calm my nerves but I'm not. The thing is, with both Ollie and George that first scan was fine. It was only after that that things started going wrong. So I'm still not going to feel OK until we hit the second trimester.
He has also given us a letter to take into Housing to get their act into gear and find us a house. It's been 12 weeks of waiting after they said 6 to 8 weeks, so they're really dragging their feet. This should be the kick up the bum they need hopefully. And on the plus side we'll get a three bedroom rather than a two. There's always a silver lining!
The other thing doc wants is for me to stop taking my antidepressants. I'm nervous about it, but I know that ultimately it will be better for the baby if I don't take them. Better for the baby. Shit. This is really happening isn't it?
I read a really great book last night. It's called "Days Like These" and it tells the story of Kristian Anderson's battle with cancer. It was so moving and his undying faith in his god gave me a tiny bit of strength. I'm not a religious person myself, and I've always found it hard to understand how "god" could let all of these bad things happen in life. But Kristian saw it a different way. He saw the cancer as not being something god gave him, but something god was helping him to fight. It was an interesting perspective.
So I'm trying to find the good things in life today, the things to be positive about. And with a bit of luck that will get me through the next few weeks.
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