Last night was a rough one. Going through everything to make notes for the obstetrician brought it all back up to the surface and left me feeling more down than I have in a while. I layed in bed thinking about the boys and just wishing I could hold them, and just cried and cried. I don't care if they would have been sick, or if its all for the best or whatever else the insensitive ones want to throw my way, they were my boys and I love them. not loved, love.
While I was in bed I rolled over, and for the first time since we lived here I saw George's star through the bedroom window. This is the biggest star I've ever seen, and it sparkles with a rainbow of colours. I first saw it on the night of mine and Drew's wedding anniversary, which turns out to be around about the same time that George stopped growing.
Maybe it's all in my head, who knows, but seeing it last night calmed me down enough to sleep.
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